I know I said that I wouldn post anything on our vacation, but I cant sleep and I am just so restless in my thoughts.
I recieved a voice message from one of the older ladies in our beighborhod today about a little girl she has living with her. You see, "B" dosent really belong to her. "B" story is very difficult and confusing. "B", who is getting ready to start preshcool this fall, was left at this old lady's house when she was 2weeks old. 2weeks old!!!!! So, sense then, this older lady and her 2 daughters and their 4 kids have loved, feed, looked after greatly this little girl. The older lady was telling me how she recieved a letter in the mail today saying that "B" was accpeted into the preschool program my little girl was a part of last year. The difficult thing about this situation is that "B's" family is back. Her mom who is known as a prostitute and drug addict, is trying to gain back custody of her.Well, not the mom exactly, the moms family is wanting to get custody. Where have they been all this time!!!?? oh, it just makes me angry and sad at the same time!!!! The flip side of all this is that the older lady's family is not the best environment for her either. You see the older lady is very unhealthy, and both of her daughters are drug addicts as well, and sadly one of them is dying of HIV. So, the phone call I recieved from the lady who "B" calls grandma was because theis lady is affarid herself that she will lose custody of this little girl. (Again, they have done such an amazing job in caring for her with all that they have.)
Humph, I , I, I cant even imagine what this little girl is seeing in that house, the types of things she is exposed to day after day. Kaiya, loves her so much, They play so well together, I remember when we first meet "B" you couldn pay her to say a word to you..AFter a couple of months we cant get her to stop talking let alone yelling my name from the front porch to open the door so that she can play tea party with Kaiya!! (smiling)
All that to say.. I am struggling because i have to surrender this little girls life to the LORD, I am not in control of what may happen..will she continue to live in this house two doors down from me??? WIll she end up with her biological family?? Will she end up in the foster care system??? :(
I have to TRUST the LORD that things will turn out for"B's" good-Romans 8:28; Gen. 50:20
I have to TRUST the LORD that HE is sovereign over the parents ( and non) that she has.-Psalm 115:3;
I have to TRUST the LORD that there is no where "B" can flee that would leave her outside of the LORD's presence- Psalm 139
I have to TRUST the LORD with whatever treatment that "B" recieves from either of the families is ultimately under HIS CONTROL (:(-Prov. 20:14; Prov. 21:1
As much as this is a sturggle for me to TRUST him with all this, for super natural reasoning, it's still comforting..At least, I know that I can place my TRUST in the LORD and not man to take care of her perectly..oh, this is still so hard.
Isaiah 48:11- For My own sake, for My own sake, I will act; For how can My name be profaned? And My glory I will not give to another.