Sunday, March 18, 2012
Late Night Randomness
My husband and I have been married for 10 years.(2/23) WOW! I NEVER in a million years thought I would be with someone that long. I remember growing up and thinking, I would never get married. I hated marriage, mainly because I watched the ones around me never work. Women were always the leaders, dominating the relationships, the men were passive, cheaters who never stuck around. What I look like getting involved in such pain and turmoil?? God did an amazing work in my heart! He also blessed me with an godly, passionate, affectionate servant of a husband! I really am blessed!
What I thought was ugly, (marriage) is now the most beautiful, joyous, often challenging thing I have ever had to deal with. I want to be the best wife in the world!! I really do, sometimes so much so that I search blogs, read books and compair myself to every wife that I see or read about. Which in the end is leaving me depressed,sleepless and full of fear. I will admit, I need to PRAY MORE.
I'm asking the Lord for His forgiveness tonight in not being confident in who He has called Nicole to be as a helper to her husband. I was just sharing with some friends tonight that this is still at times my struggle. I think reading books & blogs can be such a huge encouragement but not when it's taken to the level I tend to take it at times. I want the Lord to use such arenas to convict and encourage me. I want them to lead to a godly sorrow that leads to repentance in any area I need to repent in.
God is so good and merciful to me, so patient in the areas I fail from day to day as a wife. I want my husband to be blessed because of my devotion to the Lord and love for Him. I want my child to see me walking daily in repentance and humility. I want her to one day say, "I believe in Adoni, I know Emmanuel is here, because I saw Him in the life of my mother."
Please pray for me. Pray that I would exemplify Gods love to my family. Pray that I would have a healthy view of the gospel during those times I fall short. Most importantly, pray that I have a strong devotion to the Lord and not allow the enemy of "comparison" rob me of my joy.
May God's grace abound to us all as we strive to be the godly women He has called us to be!